You won’t believe this – even I didn’t quite believe it and I was the one it was happening to! As if the last interaction with Matthew-the-cheater wasn’t bad enough, I was just trapped into another super awkward IM session with Mr. Creepy. What follows is the actual transcript of our “conversation” (might want to BYOGB – Bring Your Own Gag Bag).
M: Hey, how you? Long time no talk!
L: (not long enough!) fine, thanks.
M: I thought you didn’t like me anymore
L: Oh, why? (Really? ANYMORE?)
M: kidding, when I told you I was married I thought you didn’t like me or maybe I’m more desirable now (Oh my GOD, seriously??)
L: I didn’t like that you lied about NOT being married (pretend you didn’t see the last atrocious bit)
M: I know that was dumb of me and a very stupid move
L: but that’s just a sign that you two probably need a bit of external support
M: exactly, great idea! I like the term “external support”. How about a night on the town?
L: (Ha??) Sorry, feeling of de ja vu – didn’t we just conclude you and your wife are getting external support? (who is not ME, you jerk!)
M: what does external support mean?
L: you said it was a good idea – what did you think was a good idea?
M: I thought you meant support as in seeking something outside the marriage (See why I suggested you get a gag bag??)
L: Right, external support (last time I try to be diplomatic!) – a marriage counselor
M: we’ve done that. it isn’t easy
L: well, easy is not exactly what I associate with relationships, especially long ones that involve kids
M: lol yes you are correct… and then I meet someone like you who’s smart and pretty and makes it challenging
just being honest with you (I SO wish you weren’t, that’s just pathetic!!!)
L: And someone completely unattainable who is totally not into flirting with married men
M: shit i’m sorry… do you not find me desirable at all since i’m married? (I am starting to wonder if this guy has a learning disability of some sort and yet I am still horrified!)
L: Matthew, I am now officially uncomfortable
M: ok no more talk like this, i should have never started it and I’m sorry. let’s clear the slate. i appreciate your honesty. and sorry for being a flirt
L: ok, I have to go work now (and gag)
Enough said, no? I am off to take another looong shower in attempts to forget this conversation ever happened. I’d appreciate any insights into the learning disability / mental handicap this man might possibly be afflicted with. Because that’s the only possible explanation I can come to. No one can be that stupid / dense / creepy, right?!