Funny, I’ve been contemplating this very topic lately and then stumbled on this blog post, inspired by an article in Chicago Sun about “Bring an Ex” party. What a great concept in theory, isn’t it? Everyone brings an ex they like but are done with, then you swap yours for someone else’s. Theoretically, these people have been vouched for – they are datable, single and even “referred”. I just know most of my exes wouldn’t be caught dead watching me flirt with other men so whom exactly would I bring to this party unless… 1) it wasn’t all that serious and / or 2) it was a loooong time ago and there’s no left over emotional baggage. Which really makes me think it would have to have been not serious AND a loooong time ago.
Anyway, this is why I’ve been thinking about this. Last week a good friend of mine Liz asked if I had a problem with her dating someone I very briefly dated years ago. This would theoretically fall in the category of 1) not serious and 2) loooong time ago, right? Not only that, but I’ve actually recycled former dates to Liz, per my own initiation and with her utter appreciation. Not only that, but I know those two are a lot more compatible. On most levels, I am thrilled they connected and wish them nothing but the best. And yet, when she first told me, I felt just a tiny bit icked out. Why in the world!?
I think I’ve discovered the reason this is different from other instances of voluntary date recycling. In this case, this man and I had physical chemistry (and since I know you’re wondering, it never progressed beyond kissing.) I am totally clear that I am not jealous, envious, miss this guy, anything else that would cause weirdness in my friendship with Liz and it wouldn’t even bother me seeing them together. However, it IS a little weird to think that my good friend might be kissing someone I previously kissed, you know?
Have your friends dated your exes? Did they ask for your blessing first? How did if feel to see them together? What were the circumstances of that break-up? Do you think that influenced your reaction to your friend and ex dating? I am curious to hear how others handle these situations, not just behaviorally but also internally!