Nooo! Not the married guy again!

You won’t believe this – even I didn’t quite believe it and I was the one it was happening to! As if the last interaction with Matthew-the-cheater wasn’t bad enough, I was just trapped into another super awkward IM session with Mr. Creepy. What follows is the actual transcript of our “conversation” (might want to BYOGB – Bring Your Own Gag Bag).

M: Hey, how you? Long time no talk!
L: (not long enough!) fine, thanks.

M: I thought you didn’t like me anymore
L: Oh, why? (Really? ANYMORE?)

M: kidding, when I told you I was married I thought you didn’t like me or maybe I’m more desirable now (Oh my GOD, seriously??)
L: I didn’t like that you lied about NOT being married (pretend you didn’t see the last atrocious bit)

M: I know that was dumb of me and a very stupid move
L: but that’s just a sign that you two probably need a bit of external support

M: exactly, great idea! I like the term “external support”. How about a night on the town?
L: (Ha??) Sorry, feeling of de ja vu – didn’t we just conclude you and your wife are getting external support? (who is not ME, you jerk!)

M: what does external support mean?
L: you said it was a good idea – what did you think was a good idea?

M: I thought you meant support as in seeking something outside the marriage (See why I suggested you get a gag bag??)
L: Right, external support (last time I try to be diplomatic!) – a marriage counselor

M: we’ve done that. it isn’t easy
L: well, easy is not exactly what I associate with relationships, especially long ones that involve kids

M: lol yes you are correct… and then I meet someone like you who’s smart and pretty and makes it challenging
just being honest with you (I SO wish you weren’t, that’s just pathetic!!!)
L: And someone completely unattainable who is totally not into flirting with married men

M: shit i’m sorry… do you not find me desirable at all since i’m married? (I am starting to wonder if this guy has a learning disability of some sort and yet I am still horrified!)
L: Matthew, I am now officially uncomfortable

M: ok no more talk like this, i should have never started it and I’m sorry. let’s clear the slate. i appreciate your honesty. and sorry for being a flirt
L: ok, I have to go work now (and gag)

Enough said, no? I am off to take another looong shower in attempts to forget this conversation ever happened. I’d appreciate any insights into the learning disability / mental handicap this man might possibly be afflicted with. Because that’s the only possible explanation I can come to. No one can be that stupid / dense / creepy, right?!

Beware! Married Man on the Prowl!

Yewww! I am completely appalled and traumatized! I was just hit on AGAIN by the creepy married man!

It all started last week. I was at a professional conference and a group of us went out afterwards. A very intoxicated man – let’s call him Matthew – proceeded to hang on my every word (and that’s not all he tried to hang on, trust me!) He said he was divorced, like it was supposed to allure me. Among all the people in this group – possibly including women – Matthew would be the last one I’d be interested in. He just had this creepy, needy vibe about him that sends me galloping in the opposite direction. But as if his pesky personality weren’t bad enough, his friend told me that Matthew is actually MARRIED. I was shocked, horrified, disgusted…. You get the gist.

Call me naive – no really, go ahead, my other friends already have – but it just shocks the hell out of me when married guys hit on single women. Worse yet, it down right infuriates me when they LIE about their marital status. Worse yet, when they lie to ME about being single and hit on ME. Yes, I’ve seen all those movies, sitcoms, reality TV shows and even played Dear Abby to friends who’ve been caught in the married man’s web. Yet I am still shocked and appalled and indignant. I try not to judge other people’s life choices but frankly when it comes to cheating I not only accept, I fully EMBRACE my judgementality!

I walked away, plotting my appeal to the Supreme Court to legally require married people from ever taking off their wedding rings (tattoo them on, if necessary!) Next day, Matthew invited to friend me on Facebook with a note apologizing for his drunken behavior the other night. Being the forgiving (and did I mention naive?) person that I am (and considering our small professional circle) I decided to be cordial, replying that I am willing to start fresh, but that I wish he was truthful about being married. Incidentally, his profile included a picture with his wife and several kids!!! What follows is a summary transcript of what happened when he IM’ed me on Facebook (M is for Matthew and L is of course for Lillie):

M: I am sorry, I messed up. It’s just that my marriage is so rocky. I apologize I went over the line. I am such an idiot
L: I am sorry you’re having marital problems. I hope it works out

M: Thanks. I guess I am just a hopeless flirt (did you say flirt or JERK? Before I could think of an appropriate response…)
M: So, do you like married men?
L: (ARGGG, seriously??) In what sense do you mean? As in “I have a tragically-low self esteem and feel the need to intentionally pursue married men” or “I liked handing out with everyone, married and single, at the conference”? I fall in category 2.

M: Funny, do you mind that I flirt? (are you freakin’ kidding me?? Which part of the above response confused you?? Must keep composure – we have professional associates in common. Be nice.)
L: I prefer to keep clear boundaries between my friendships (with single and married people) and those I date. Thanks for asking.

M: I am sorry! I promise not to flirt anymore.
L: (for God’s sake, I hope so!) Ok Matthew, have to go work now. Have a nice day. (I go take a shower to wash off the creepiness off my mind, body, and spirit!)

What a jerk! I mean, how dense can he be! If I didn’t make it clear enough in person (by recoiling any time he approached) how did you miss it in WRITING?? I am just flabbergasted! I need another shower!

I’ve heard the ugly urban legend that some married men think the wedding band actually makes them MORE attractive to single women. I know there are people – women and men – who would be open to (and maybe even prefer) a relationship with someone married. I just can’t imagine how or WHY! Someone please explain to me why an attractive, successful, smart woman would intentionally pursue a married guy ? I mean I get fear of intimacy and all, but really! Am I missing something?